LORD
Hey, I’m Lord and I’m a speed freak and an alcoholic. Yeah, like no SHIT, or why THE FUCK would I be here?!
AA GROUP
Hi Lord!
LORD
Hi y’all. First I wanna say -- and this is to anyone who doesn’t get it. This is what it’s all about: GROW THE FUCK UP, MAN! That’s what it comes down to! And if you didn’t understand that, then let me clarify -- make it real simple: Grow. The. Fuck. Up. Anyways, GLAD to be here, man! I’m really proud of all of you, and especially to the newcomers. You got courage, and it ain’t going to be easy, man! Look, I KNOW I’m an ASSHOLE. And I can never forget that. This is about HONESTY, man! Get humble! I have to come here no matter what. Every day, for six fuckin’ years, man! And I’ll be coming here for the next 60 years. KEEP COMING. Cuz if you think that you got it all together, and you stop coming here, you won’t keep your humility. It’s YOU guys who keep me humble. Otherwise, I just think I’m the jackshit of the world, man. YOU keep me humble. YOU remind me that I’m not Jack SHIT. I’m just a tatooed, balding Jack ASS from New Fucking Bedford. I drive all the way here over the bridge every day. I could go to AA in my hood, but I want to come over here to see that you lovely, perfumy, well-to-fucking-do HOUSEWIVES are just AS FUCKED UP AS I AM! I STAY in my shit neighborhood, instead of YOUR my-shit-don’t-STINK neighborhood to stay HUMBLE! And because of you -- because of THE PROGRAM - because I have given my will over to my higher power because, I know, I have no motherfuckin’ will of my own because I am a drunk, speed-freaking’ ASSHOLE -- I know now that I can be a WORTHWHILE, SOBER asshole. And I just want to say one more thing. To any of you who aren’t sure if you really belong here: Then why the FUCK are you here? Thank you.
